So this week I put on a pound & I'm pissed, really pissed and what do I do when I'm pissed at myself (cos believe me dear reader it's no-one else's fault) I eat.
What did I eat?
A fried egg sandwich - chollah (4 slices), butter & two eggs fried in butter - with a large glass of SF squash!!
Did I enjoy it? Yes for about 30 seconds.
How do I feel now? Crappier than before.
Why am I writing this now - instead of tonight? So I don't forget how stupid & irrational this behaviour is and also because if I'm using one finger to type I can't use the rest of my hand to grab food!
I know it happens to us all - it's happened to me often enough - but it doesn't make me feel any better to go on an eating rampage and I have to learn otherwise I won't succeed and I'm determined to succeed. But..................
I am disappointed with myself and I have to recognise that, allow myself a wallow & move on without going on a binge fest. In fact I've just eaten two satsumas in an effort to cut back the greasy feeling I now have in my mouth.
Looking back on my posts from last week & talking in class this morning I realise that although I didn't appreciate it at the time I've had a week of 'guessing & hoping' under the guise of making sensible choices.
Last Tuesday at the fundraiser all the food I ate was 'the most sensible choice I could make' but I have no idea what the salads were dressed with, no idea what the salmon in the roulade was bound with & no idea what the green layer around the outside (which I assumed was spinach) was made from. I didn't eat the chocolates, beigels etc but I had no idea how many sins I'd consumed either.
Also we barbecued several times - sausages are 6 sins each, burgers 6 (raw mince is very fatty & I've never seen lean kosher mince but I'm going to check it out with my butcher), lamb etc - probably don't cut off all the fat & chicken - probably ate the skin. At least I know the salads were ok :0(
The fact is that this is life and probably because I'm monitoring my intake I've minimised the damage - am I irritated that other people's bodies allow them to get away with this? You bet.
Am I going to blow everything I've achieved over the last six weeks?
NO NO NO
Because overall I feel better, I'm exercising more and I can't take the shame of 'you' knowing I've fallen over at the first hurdle!
I'm now going to have some fruit salad & yoghurt and catch up on a bit of TV.
Lxx
I hear you Lisa... I've had to remind myself that this is a journey and that its going to take time and effort to change the thinking and the habits. Well done... admitting it and catching yourself are the first steps in overcoming methinks xxx
ReplyDeleteSo you fell off the wagon and blew it on fried egg sandwiches - (by the way it all sounds like heaven to me!) so what...? Put the past behind you, get back on the wagon and carry on. You're right about salads - it might seem like the healthier option at the time but you just don't know how much oil they have been dressed with - so you do have to be careful. One word of advice that has definitely helped me - and that is to exercise more. I have just made a huge spag bol for dinner tonight and I ate more than I should ( I finished off a bit that wasn't worth freezing), so now - what am I going to do? I'll tell you what - as soon as Peter walks in that door I'm off on a power walk - 7 miles (round trip from Bushey Heath to Stanmore) as fast as I possibly can, should take me maximum 1 and 3/4 hrs, but I know I can do it faster if I break in to a jog every now and then. That way, I will have cancelled out my dinner and feel better for it. I do it all the time now, as soon as I eat something 'naughty' I pay back by doing 50 star jumps or knee to elbow hops - anything to cancel the calorie intake and up the heart rate. I've discovered over the last 6 months that the more I exercise the easier the weight comes off. It's definitely a combination of healthy eating and exercise - not just one or the other. I think you are a very brave girl to write all this for everyone to see. You are doing wonders for yourself by writing it and to all of us who are reading it. Don't worry about the fried egg sandwiches - it's nothing and that little lb you put on - it's probably water retention! God bless, love, Karen x
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